THC 014 - Dash-8 Q400 "Alberta Rose"

(Home base: Calgary, Canada. Chief pilot: Sir Greg "Darkwing")

Story of theTHC 014

The Q400 story begins in Helsinki. I had arrived there in the Spring with my "date" after ferrying a new Lancair Columbia to its new owner there who was a long-time friend. Having some time in the Lancair IV aircraft he asked if I would be kind enough to fly his new plane over from Oregon. I needed a vacation and since I'd been having a few problems with Revenue Canada it seemed like a good time for a trip. The journey was without incident. Arriving in Helsinki, we parked the plane next to the SAS maintenance hangar. Then I saw it. Taxiing up behind us was SAS Commuter's new Dash-8 Q400. It sparkled with its brand new paint job and as those 5-bladed props spun to a stop I fell in love with the fair bird.

I forgot about the plane over the next few days as we toured around Finland and Norway. Inquiring as to the status of my tax situation it became clear that it was not a good idea to return home any time soon. My thoughts turned to finding work in Europe. I had a few contacts with Bombardier in Canada after having done some contract work on the French flight control computers. Thus I was able to get a job at the SAS maintenance shop working on avionics problems and repairs of which there were a few for this new plane. Maintenance, however, was not what I wanted to do. I wanted to fly but trying to find a job being a Canadian citizen was difficult. That's when I remembered an old acquaintance, Tim Hill, from Canada who had set up some float plane and bait shops on some lakes around Calgary (his prices were outrageous!). I had talked to him a few times and I remembered that he had mentioned that he was heading to Europe to train for dESPair as a pliot with the goal being to fly there and set up an operation in Canada as well. He mentioned that dESPair wanted pilots with "unusual" and "diverse" skills (wink, wink). This sounded very interesting indeed.

Finding dESPair headquarters was a challenge. Anyone I asked at SAS either backed away from me like I was insane or told me never to ask questions like that again. Finally, one night while working late a technician approached me and handed me a card with a phone number and told me never to mention that I talked to him. This was sounding better and better! I called the number and found myself talking to none other than "Hak the Seagull", our CEO. He was suspicious at first but when I told him I knew Tim he became quite talkative. He explained the airline and how it acquired some aircraft (my God, has dESPair ever bought anything?). He explained the tasks that were required of the pilots and what sort of qualifications they were looking for. I was surprised to find out that most were not related to actual flying skills but to skills more suited to James Bond or a military commando as dESPair had some potential new business with NATO. My pilot skills were OK but the latter skill set I was missing. I would have to prove myself by performing an initiation task if I was to join. The task was to steal a plane and bring it to them! It would be returned but the point was to see if I had the ambition and was willing to take risks for my new employer.

Needless to say, I was a bit stunned at this request. Stealing a plane could put me in more trouble than my tax situation. However, the thought was exciting. The various work that dESPair performed was too intriguing so I finally decided I just had to do it. I went to our trailer that we were living in, got my wife, and packed our suitcases and headed back to the airport. It was quite late and my goal was to steal a little Cessna 152 that had been parked on the grass for a few weeks without being moved. I didn't think the owner would notice it was gone for at least a few days. I told my wife the whole story and to my amazement she was in favour of it. She said our life had been too dull lately and we needed some excitement. As I opened the door to the Cessna she said something next which left me dumbfounded. She said, "Why don't we take that big plane over there?" I stared in amazement as my eyes turned to the SAS Dash-8 that she was pointing too. My heart started beating rapidly and my palms started to sweat. "No, we can't possibly take that plane!" I replied. She asked, "What's the difference? I'm sure the penalty for stealing a small plane is the same as for stealing a large plane." What could I say. She had a point.

It was easy to get into the plane as I had the key codes and no one was there at the SAS hangar at that late hour. We climbed in and being familiar with the avionics I had no trouble starting it up. Explaining my intentions to the ground controllers was a bit of dilema. I told them that we had installed a new engine and had updated some avionics software and we wanted to do some highspeed taxi tests. This had not been scheduled though so it took some effort to convince the tower to give us clearance onto the active. Needless to say, I was soon airborne heading as fast as I could to my rendezvous point with dESPair at as low an alititude as possible with the transponder off. I followed the directions from the INS getting a few altitude warning alarms along the way. The trip was tense but I found the landing strip in a narrow valley. dESPair lit it up quite well when they heard me arriving. The landing strip was not long and I had to use full reverse pitch to slow the plane down before the end. I just managed to stop in time and as I was shutting down the engines my welcoming committee arrived looking quite alarmed. "What the hell are you doing?" exclaimed the one fellow, "You weren't supposed to steal anything like that!". Panic set in. What was I going to do now? Suddenly this all seemed like a very bad idea. After the dESPair crew looked around the plane for a while gawking and cursing finally Crazy Vilk who had just been standing there grinning the whole time said, "We certainly can't return this plane without no one noticing. But relax, I have a plan and if it works out, we may be able to add this to our fleet".

The plan was this: I had been hijacked while working on the plane by a crazed Icelander. The plane was low on gas and I had to ditch it at a grass strip along my flightpath. As it turned out a few guys from dESPair had witnessed the landing after returning from a grand opening of the new "Tooters" bar. They drove up to the plane which had collapsed on its landing gear in time to see the hijacker run off into the countryside carrying a box of floatation devices. I had actually landed the plane well but this was where Crazy Vilk's genious came into play. On his instructions the dESPair crew moved the airplane off of the runway and retracted the undercarriage.

Then they spent most of the night trying to make it look like the airplane had skidded down the length of the runway on its belly. When the next day came and the incident sorted itself out, the plane was taken to the closest Bombardier service center which happened to be at the dESPair hangars. An evaluation was done to determine damage to the plane. It was listed as extensive and the plane considered a write-off in the insurance adjuster's report. How they managed to get away with this with a plane that was in almost perfect condition aside from slight airframe damage is still a mystery. In any case, I got off the hook, the insurance company paid SAS for the loss of the plane, sold the wreckage to dESPair for really cheap and we fixed the minor damage and are now the proud owners of the Dash-8 Q400, "Alberta Rose". As for me, I made enough money in two months performing various missions for dESPair that I was able to send a huge cheque to Revenue Canada and can now go back safely. For now though I am happily droning around the beautiful European countryside in the Q400. I love it when a plan comes together.

Captain Greg